And so it goes

Back at the end of February, I had the pleasure to attend several concerts of the band featured in my book, I Found All the Parts: Healing the Soul through Rock 'n' Roll. Got home, and a week later, received a letter from their lawyers that since the band doesn't support my project, I don't have permission to use their lyrics in the book, nor did they want their names mentioned. I understand the decision, and will honor their requests, and move ahead with the publishing process as best I can. First up...Find a good entertainment/copyright lawyer!

A few days later, I posted an inspirational account of the concerts on the band's boards, and within a day it got pulled. There was no mention of "my project" or anything like that. I asked fans if they found the article inspirational, and comments like "weeping openly" told me my writing can be powerful. It's times like these that I have to believe in myself, and pull every molecule of trust up from the depths of my being. I have to trust that my soul told me I'd write a book that would have a major impact on the people of my generation for a good reason, and know that each obstacle provides an opportunity for me to live like the inscription on the Sanskrit necklace fellow fan Sundante gave me for my 40th birthday. It means "FEARLESSNESS."

Are our lives designed so that the more we move through our fears, doors within us that have been shut for years, perhaps since childhood, begin to open? My journey with the band has opened the doors to self-knowing, understanding, and compassion. I'm learning to view life experiences, especially the painful ones, from a different vantage point, for each one is a teacher. It's up to me to decide whether or not to keep the door open and allow its gifts to come my way. I have to be fearless and know that things are not always as they appear. When I embrace my fears, a transformation occurs not only in myself, but those around me, and my world. I hope I'm helping to make the world a better place, and thank the band for allowing me to experience another level of fearlessness.

*****

Not two hours after I write the previous blog yammering away about how moving through obstacles makes me live in fearlessness, my hard drive crashed...and I only had my book backed up. Five years of writing, photos, e-mails...everything appeared to be gone. Numerous attempts to boot off a CD were a waste of time.

For five days, I grieved the loss of my writings. Someday I'd get back to all those thoughts and ideas and re-examine, flush out, and use for magazine articles or another book. Now, they day looked like it would never come. But...every cloud has a silver lining, right? So what's the positive? What's the benefit of possibly losing four years of correspondences with friend and fan Sundante, or the photos of my daughter when she lost her first tooth, or all those incredible insights I had to delete from the current book, and hoped to discuss in my next manuscript? How can this be a good thing?

Rather like feng-shui, when we clear out the clutter, the stuff from our past, we make room for something new in our lives. Perhaps this is a sign from the Universe that new and improved ideas are forthcoming. The correspondences from the past are just that...the past. Like ghosts that haunt, ideas stem from our imagination. And that, I've got plenty of. So, no worries about lack of material. It seems to come in a never ending stream, and all I have to do is dip my oar in to access the eternal flow of life's insights, mysteries and Aha's!

After mourning for the ideas that would never be, I surrendered and let go of the past. And the phone rang. My data was retrieved by placing the hard drive in a non-bootable dirve, and was now safe and secure. But elation didn't fill my being, for I'd become comfortable with starting over again. Like a person who loses everything in a flood or fire, we pick up the pieces and move on. And moving on is what I need to do, whether or not my data still existed.

So, I'm moving on with my book...with writing magazine and newspaper articles, and with a new attitude. When life gives you lemons, don't just make lemonade, make lemon drop cookies, lemon meringue pie, lemon sponge cake and lemon chicken. Before you know it, you'll have an entire meal to savor. And so it goes.